UN calls on the Maccabees to avoid hostilities

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In response to the recent increase of hostilities between King Antiochus’ Seleucids and the Jewish population led by Judah Maccabee, United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon released the following statement:

“We call on the Jewish population to immediately stop its attacks against the Seleucid government in Jerusalem.  We intend to form a committee to investigate the alleged banning of circumcision imposed by the Seleucids as well as the Maccabean claim of inappropriate actions within the Temple, but maintain in theory that the government is within its rights to impose a ban of this nature in order to protect religious sovereignty.  Despite the claims by Maccabean leadership claiming the installation of idolatrous figures being placed in the Holy Temple, it is the belief of this organization that this is a tremendous opportunity for the coexistence of all religions within Jerusalem’s holiest places.  What will be critical in making this work will be Jewish cooperation and subjugation to King Antiochus and his leadership of Jerusalem and outlying areas.  Any resistance by Judah and his fellow Maccabees will be seen as hostility bordering on criminal activity.  We have already begun the groundwork for further investigations of Judah Maccabee for war crimes that may have already taken place and in anticipation and expectation of further actions.”

U.S. President Barack Obama commented on the increasing tension in the area as well.

“We call on both parties to show restraint”, said President Obama.  “I have spoken directly to Judah Maccabee and I am confident that he is aware of my continuing support and commitment to the safety and well-being of his people.  That being said, I have emphasized in our discussions my belief in a peaceful solution.  King Antiochus has assured me  that his intentions are peaceful and I believe him to be sincere.”

A State Department spokesman denied claims that U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is “annoyed” by Judah Maccabees aggressive approach.

Judah Maccabee issued the following statement in response to the comments:

“My number one responsibility is to my people.  We do not answer to the United Nations or to any world leader.  One day we will look back at this moment and realize that we were at a crossroads.  Our choices in leadership will determine whether or not we survive as a people and will celebrate our existence,  or succumb to the pressure and lament our losses. It is my intention to see to it that rather than allowing an enemy to drive us into extinction, we will lead the people to a thriving and secure future. When we regain control of our holiest of sites, the Temple in Jerusalem, we will celebrate as we light the candelabra in continuing dedication to God.  We wish to live in peace, but as long as we have an enemy that wants to see us dead we will defend ourselves by any mean necessary.”

One programming note.  CNN will be continuing its ongoing documentary “Hellenism as opposed to Judaism.  Why it works in Jerusalem.”

 

Chanukah Sameach!!

Happy Hanukkah!!

 

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