Monthly Archives: April 2020

Next Year in Jerusalem. Once we get out of the house

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The piece hanging on my wall and made for me by my late mother

I have a confession to make. In 1985 I left Israel with the intention of spending a few years back the the U.S. before I would return to Israel and settle there for the rest of my life.  35 years later I am still living in America and having either been limited by time or budget have made only one trip back in January of 1994.  And while today I celebrate with love and appreciation the 72nd birthday of the modern State of Israel, I question the authenticity of my affection.

This would mean less if it wasn’t for the fact that I am not alone when it comes to being someone who left Israel “for just a few years”. I would imagine a rather large city, maybe even comparable to Jerusalem or Tel Aviv could be formed in Israel from people such as myself that had every intention of going back soon after they left to make Aliyah.  But the truth is, that with the opportunities to earn, the accessibility of so many products and so much entertainment, and for those it matters to, which is a large percentage of people who love Israel, a large Jewish community, leaving America wasn’t easy.  For many Jews, in the age of COVID-19, and a New York Metro area clobbered by the virus, coupled with a rise in anti-Semitism that has a frightening likelihood of only getting worse, moving to Israel might seem a whole lot easier than it once was.

While there would be nothing pioneering about jumping ship and moving to Israel in light of a changing landscape for the Jewish population outside of Israel, would it be any less acceptable or moral?  To answer that question one need only understand the initial purpose of the modern State of Israel.  It was, and is, first and foremost a safe haven for the Jewish people.  It says the following in Tehillim, Psalms,. Chapter 147, Verse 2:

בֹּנֵ֣ה יְרֽוּשָׁלִַ֣ם יְהֹוָ֑ה נִדְחֵ֖י יִשְׂרָאֵ֣ל יְכַנֵּֽס, The Lord is the builder of Jerusalem; He will gather the outcasts of Israel.

Israel was formed in the wake of the worst catastrophe the Jewish people ever faced.  In 1948, when the Jewish state was formed, the word was a mere 3 years removed from the end of a war that saw 6 million Jews murdered by Hitler’s Nazi party.  In the coming years Jews would continue to find themselves living in countries in which situations changed either significantly for those countries, for the status of Jews, or both.  Israel continued to be a safe haven then as it was after the Holocaust.  It remains one today.

So as we celebrate Israel’s 72nd birthday, many that once left intending to return, as well as those who never went, may have more to be grateful for than ever before.  Maybe once they get out of the house and reassess our lives as they are today, they may find that L’Shana haba’ah b’Yerushalayim, Next year in Jerusalem, may become more than just a catch phrase, it may actually become a reality.

Happy Birthday Israel!

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Positive Stories to Brighten your day

raysofhope

Want some good news?  Sure you do.  Well there happens to be plenty of it out there if you actually want to find it badly enough.  Any time we speak about the positive and hopeful, it is appropriate to recognize the tragedy that has befallen too many people since COVID-19 took off all over the world.  We need to offer our compassion and support to those who need it whenever possible. But one of the ways to help them and everyone else it to keep a clear perspective of what is happening around us, and that means to take the time to acknowledge the happier stories and the people that make the world a better place. Here are a few stories that will hopefully brighten your day.

1-Surviving Seniors

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Leonidas Romero, 92, with his daughter, Carolina Romero.

Sometimes the devil is in the details, but other times only the headlines matter.  While tragically the elderly population has suffered due to COVID-19, it’s important to note that unlike what many reports might lead you to believe, it is not a death sentence.  We need to continue to take all actions possible to keep our elderly safe as it is very dangerous for them to get COVID-19, but let’s also recognize some notable stories of seniors that fell victim to it and survived.

A 92 year old man in Massachusetts returned home after weeks in the hospital.

A 97-year-old woman in Brazil survived the virus.

A 104 year old man in Oregon survived COVID-19.

And a 106 year old woman in the UK survived after 3 weeks of hospitalization.

Four random cases of which there are definitely more, and while we need to do everything we can to risk the exposure of the elderly, enough to make us feel a whole lot better.

2- A Happy Milestone

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Bianca Jimenez, 600th patient released from Mount Sinai South Nassau in Oceanside, NY

A little closer to home, on April 25th, Mount Sinai South Nassau Hospital in Oceanside, NY celebrated as it released its 600th patient recovering from the Coronavirus. 19 year old Bianca Jimenez was released less than a week after being admitted with a fever of 104 and symptoms that included, cough, dizziness and shortness of breath.  We all thank our Drs. and nurses any chance we get, but if you talk with them you know nothing makes them feel better than sending people home who are recovering.  Let’s hope that number continues to grow exponentially faster.

3- Bringing joy and support through music

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http://newjersey.news12.com/clip/15054098/broadway-actor-brian-stokes-mitchell-takes-on-new-role-after-bout-with-covid-19

Broadway performer, Brian Stokes Mitchell, as a way to express his gratitude to front line workers has taken to singing from this Upper West Side window in Manhattan. Singing “The Impossible Dream”,  Mitchell says that what he is doing “is not a performance. It’s an act of gratitude.”  He also states that the song is not about doing something impossible, rather it is about trying.  To make what he is doing even more poignant, Mitchell himself has had the virus and was even sick enough to worry about whether it would have a permanent impact on his vocal chords.  I think it’s safe to say that there are many people very happy that it didn’t.

4- NFL’s Greatest Moment

Not only did the NFL Draft provide us with a fun distraction, it offered us some heartwarming stories that yes, get ready for it, had nothing to do with the Coronavirus. As serious and deadly as the illness is, it is refreshing to hear about something else, especially if it is something good.  No story struck me more than the story of Offensive Lineman Austin Jackson, picked 18th by the Miami Dolphins.  Austin’s little sister Autumn, was inflicted with Diamond Blackfan Anemia (DBA), a rare inherited disorder that prevents bone marrow from producing red blood cells.  Last year with her condition deteriorating, she required a bone marrow transplant just to help her survive, let alone improve.  Without  any hesitation, Austin, who matched as a donor did what was necessary to help his sister despite the risk to himself and his career.  Around 1 year after the successful transplant, Autumn is on her way to complete recovery and Austin is on his way to the NFL.  This is probably the first time a player has become one of my favorites in the NFL before even playing a snap. Thank you to them both for their inspiration.

And on a side note, kudos to NFL commissioner to Roger Goodell, for not only giving us a really well run and entertaining draft during challenging times, but for being able to laugh at himself enough to encourage virtual boos.  Something tells me those virtual boos might just turn into more cheers in the  future than he’s ever seen before.

 

So there you have it, some stories I hope will make you feel just a little uplifted in a time when despair sells. We can’t control a lot of what happens, but we can control what we put out there and what we allow in.  Let’s make an effort to acknowledge and be grateful for what is good out there, because not doing so will very possibly hurt us more than any virus ever could.

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Words of Encouragement and Suggestions to take into the weekend

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First of all, you’re welcome.  Because of the title of my post some of you just found out it’s Friday.  Let me make very clear that I am neither a medical nor mental health professional.  All I offer you is my opinion based on my personal experience, some of which has ended up in success, while the other in failure. Since I am a happy, and as far as I know, healthy person, and someone without the advantage of significant financial resources, beyond the fact that I have some luck, but even more importantly in my eyes some blessings from above, I feel compelled to project some good feelings onto those who need it most and to those who just like it as well.

Today one of my brothers asked me what do I think of things as they stand today.  I won’t recap the entire conversation but I will share the most positive elements of my current outlook that I shared in our talk.  But first I want to make a point that I feel to be very critical in how we address things moving forward. If the thoughts that I share help someone who has lost someone during this challenging time, I will be enormously pleased to know that. However, I don’t expect it either.  Because when people grieve, platitudes and positive approaches do not hurt, and sometimes help a little bit with the initial sting, but ultimately they do not fix the fact that you are mourning a loved one.  Your remaining loved ones, faith if you are so inclined, and most of all time are some of the only cures for the emotional pain of the loss that you feel. I recognize that and encourage those who are not going through that to do so as well, because in doing so and realizing the responsibility you have to support those who need you the most you not only help them, but you will very likely help yourself as well.

So while I don’t think self indulgence will help anyone, self introspection can be of great benefit.  When you turn on the TV and watch the news, regardless of where you stand politically, ask yourself if the means by which you are acquiring information is helping you or hurting you.  I am not going to give my opinion as to the quality or validity of the sources you choose, but I will share my opinion as to the amount of time I am spending on it and how that is impacting my self perceived mental health.

When I say self perceived mental health, the point I am making is, to be blunt, how I feel.  And while like anyone else living through this time I have my ups and downs, what I have been doing seems to be working for me.  So if I can help anyone out there by sharing some of my methods and attitudes, I am happy to do so.  When it comes to getting your information, ask yourself the following question, and be honest with yourself when answering? Is all the news you are watching helping you? Is it making practical issues easier?  Is it making you feel better?  Only you can really know the truth, but it is my belief that no matter how much you want to watch the news, at some point you need to make a point of turning it off. Find something more relaxing, or fulfilling, or just plain fun?  No one has any right to judge what you do with your time, but I urge you to make sure your time spent is doing something to either help your situation or make you feel better.  If it is not doing one or the other, unless you are someone whose daily job or purpose is helping others, you need to reassess how you spend your time.

Try not to judge.  These days everyone is an expert and everyone is right.  Naturally that was sarcasm, but it’s important to remember that so many people out there think that they are, that unless you moderate your exposure, it can make you crazy.  Limit your circle of influence and spend your energies wisely.  Everyone can find someone who angers them or frustrates them. It doesn’t matter if it is someone famous or someone personal to your life.  You do not have the luxury of spending too much of your energies on those negative emotions.  You help no one, least of all yourself.

And lastly, as it is Friday, I personally once again look forward to that wonderful day known as Shabbat. And as I have before, I push the idea of it more than the specifics.  Everyone should make their own choices as to what they do to relax, but I can tell you that having a 25 hour period each week in which I shut down so much of what goes on around me has been an integral part of what has made this significantly easier for me.  That and the fact that taking time to think allows you to focus on the things you have to be grateful for, which for me is good health, people that care about me, a roof over my head, and food to eat.   Whatever it is that brings you joy, focus on it, appreciate it, and let it fuel your days ahead.

Shabbat Shalom

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What would your lost loved ones have said about our world today?

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I am sure I am not alone in trying to imagine what a lost loved one would have said during this unprecedented time.  We all have loved ones we’ve lost and I have no doubt that I am not alone in imagining what opinions or advice my parents would have offered if they were alive today.  In an effort to start a conversation I am going to throw that question out there. What would your departed loves ones say today? What words of wisdom would they have offered. I will start by offering what I think my mother and father would have said, fully knowing that I have siblings and nephews and nieces that may not agree with me. They are more than welcome to offer their opinions, whether they agree with me or not.

I believe my Dad would have referred back to the 2 words he would often use as advice in trying times.  Patience and faith. Using the Hebrew words, Savlanut Oo’beetachone, he would speak to the need for patience, understanding from his experience and wisdom that part of getting through something is patiently waiting for the moment in which you are able to act. Faith was something my father often referred back to, having kept it through the worst of times he knew how it could help people on an individual and communal level.

I believe my mother’s focus would have been on how people treat each other and how people need to be smarter with their approach.  My mother put great value on love and decency, and as those who know her would attest to, backing up her words with her actions.  In  many ways she had an idealism about people being nicer to each other and never lost hope that would happen. She would however often lose patience with stupidity and called it out when she saw it, finding it more important to make people aware of what she saw than being worried about what people thought of that opinion. And she was correct often enough to make people listen carefully when she spoke.

So now that I’ve shared my parents’ opinion I hope I look forward to hearing from you what you think your lost loved ones would have said today.


May we Always Remember Them

 

candlesThese candles represent my 2 grandparents from my father’s side, Leendert and Maryan Groen, my mother’s father Marcel Rodrigues, my uncle Bram Rodrigues, and the 5th candle represents all of the 6 million Jews killed by the Nazis.  May there memories be blessed and may we draw goodness and strength in remembering them always.

NEVER AGAIN!


Anne Frank, our world today, and the responsibility we have on Holocaust Remembrance Day

 

Anne-Frank-row-REXSometimes as a writer you have to look for a topic to write about, while other times the topic is put in front of you on a silver platter.  As the son of Holocaust survivors, more specifically Holocaust survivors from Holland, with the existing quarantine we live in and the continuing conversations about Anne Frank that some seem to think is relevant to our current state of affairs, I have been presented with that aforementioned silver platter.

It’s been somewhat fascinating to me and even more alarming that there are people out there who feel being quarantined in the comfort of their own home, with food to eat, entertainment available, the freedom to leave their house without fear of being killed by a ruling force is comparable to what Anne Frank experienced.  Those among us who are most likely to commemorate Holocaust Remembrance Day are sufficiently educated to the point where we understand how wrong that thought process is.  For me, this whole discussion takes me back to last July when I spent 6 days in Amsterdam and had the ceremony where we retrieved the violin that belonged to my uncle who was murdered in Auschwitz.  BRAM’S VIOLIN

I have a confession to make.  In all my trips to Holland, including last summer, I have never visited the Anne Frank house.  This is not because I do not recognize its importance, nor is it not because I do not recognize the tragedy of her life, but more because, having been raised by a mother who was in essence, as she put it herself, the Anne Frank that lived, it was not as important for me to go there as it is for others.  However, while there last summer it was somewhat prevalent in my thoughts, because while taking in much of what Amsterdam has to offer, and looking at what people called the tourist attractions, Anne Frank’s house was often mentioned.  While I recognize the importance it has to society, there too lies the problem.  For so many all it really is is a tourist attraction.

It may be very powerful and accurate in its presentation. Having never been there it would be inappropriate for me to say otherwise. For me the issue is not in what Anne Frank’s house is designed to be, it is more about how people choose to look at it.  And it so clearly is relevant in the discussion that has recently emerged when using it as a frame of reference.  In fairness, if people use it as a comparison without mocking or purposely minimizing Anne Frank’s plight, they are guilty of only one thing. Ignorance.  And to be even more direct, if so many are ignorant, they are not the guilty ones, we are.  Decent people who understand things incorrectly are people willing to listen and learn.  People who are sad, depressed and scared over our current state of affairs should not be criticized or ridiculed for their feelings, but if they incorrectly compare themselves to a 13 year old girl who could never leave the house in fear of being killed by Nazi soldiers, was stuck in small quarters with her family with minimal amounts of food, and ultimately died of disease in a concentration camp designed to ultimately kill Jews, it is our sacred responsibility to educate them.

Much of our cry of “Never Again” has appropriately been directed at those who are evil and would be prone to once again partake in the mass murder of Jews and other groups different from them.  But if this quarantine we are in and the reaction of a segment of the population has taught us anything, “Never Again” also means we must educate and, to use some very relevant words in today’s world, “mitigate the disease” known as ignorance.

May the memories of the 6 million be blessed and let us never forget.

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Heaven gets yet another righteous person

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In 1976, when I was 14 years old, we moved to the town of Arnhem, in the eastern part of the Netherlands.  Although I spoke a somewhat decent Dutch, it was likely nowhere near good enough for me to attend school in Holland.  That, coupled with the fact that the much smaller Jewish environment than the one we left in Philadelphia, lead my parents to choose England as a place for me to continue my education.  When all was said and done, my parents chose Hasmonean Grammar School in North Hendon, London, as the place where I would continue my schooling.

My first year in London I lived in a house that left a lot to be desired.  At 14, and living away from my parents, I needed to be in a home where I felt secure and safe, while being given what I needed to live decently in my new environment. One year into living in London my parents were not satisfied with what they saw from me, so they came to London to find me a new home away from home.  To this day, it was very possibly the wisest and most loving thing they ever did for me.  They found me the Wilschanskis.

Rabbi & Mrs. Wilschanski spent the next 3 years providing me with a true home away from home.  They fed me, looked after me, and were there for me in a way I will never forget.  In a time of my life when I needed it most, they were like 2nd parents to me.  They were pious, kind, deeply religious people, respected and loved by many in their community.

A short while ago I heard the sad news that Rabbi Chaim Wilschanski passed away at the age of 99.  My understanding is that his death was of natural causes and not COVID-19 related.  A very emotional piece of news to hear on the 3rd Yahrtzeit of my mother, and one that for me is very hard to see as a coincidence.  Rabbi Wilschanski was one of the warmest, pleasant, funny, and kind men I’ve ever known.

Rabbi Wilshanski’s book, “From the Shabbat Table”, is the picture I posted in his honor and memory.

Baruch Dayan Emet.

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Remembering my mother, 3 years later

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“Try to enjoy life as best as you can. You never know when your last day is there.  Just look outside, look at the sun, look at the flowers, life is beautiful. You have one life to live, and the best things they come in everyone’s life, but just enjoy life and appreciate the good things, not only the material things.”

These were the words of my mother, Sipora Rodrigue-Lopes Groen, in an interview I recorded with her on April 24, 2012. 3 years ago today on the Jewish calendar, she passed away at the age of 95.  I’ve written a lot about my mother’s life and her experiences, but in this piece I will let you reference the beautiful piece recently recently written by my niece Jennifer about my mother’s life. A Grandmother’s Lesson.

In this piece, in light of current events, besides the message written above, I am going to share with you what I believe my mother would have wanted people to know as we go through such an unprecedented time.

Although my mother had some very strong political opinions, I am fairly certain she would have been more focused today on telling people to make an effort to be nice to each other, to show a mutual respect.  I think she would have encouraged us all to show more love to the people closest to us, and have understanding for people, especially our friends and family, when they do things that are less than perfect.  She put a premium on things like love and kindness, backing it up better than anyone ever could, and I am as certain as I can be that she would have been pushing that point to anyone who would listen during our current crisis.

Although compassionate, she was also one not to exaggerate, and therefore would have hoped people, after they took the illness and consequences seriously, would have behaved wisely, responsibly, and used their heads to form opinions, rather than letting those opinions be formed for them.  She had a strong will that would on occasion cross over to stubbornness, but it was that strength of character that saw her through the toughest times and I believe played a big role in her enjoying life to the end.

She would have shared the lessons of what she went through, not to minimize the suffering of those who are victims of, or close to people who have suffered today, but to make a point to the majority who sit at home, waiting for life to get back to normal, thinking it is the end of the world.  She would likely have said, that for a large percentage of us, what we have seen till now is really not that bad, and that we need to be strong in order for things to get better.

My mother was a woman of character, intelligence, kindness and love.  Even in her old age, rather than needing our help, if she were around today, she most likely would be looking for people to comfort with words of hope and encouragement. And all of us that knew her, will always miss her.

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United we stand. Divided we just get sicker

The title of this post is neither a medical nor scientific diagnosis.  I am not qualified to make one based on medicine or science.  However, I do know the basic truth that when fighting an enemy, distraction benefits our foe.  Nothing is a bigger distraction than infighting, be it within families, religious communities, in one country, and even the entire world.

Earlier today in a chat I had with someone, I referenced my father of blessed memory, who was a member of the  resistance in Nazi-occupied Holland.  One of the things I learned from him was that although history addressed the misguided hope of the  Jewish Council, often unwittingly allowed to exist to help the Nazis in their mission, it was the Nazis that were the enemy.  Although the active traitor would be dealt with, the primary focus was on the evil looking to wipe his people from the face of the earth.

Although the Coronavirus is an invisible enemy, a dangerous enemy it is nonetheless. Pointing fingers or getting into nasty arguments or fights with people with different approaches towards what to do and who to trust, distracts people from acquiring knowledge, applying the proper disciplines, and helping those they are in a the position to help.  The video I posted is from the show “Friends”, and although many will find it funny, it also offers up a message as to what happens when people focused on one purpose lose that focus and fight among themselves.  And when all is said and done, it also shows how a reasonable patient explanation has a far greater chance of success.

All of us need to stick together, regardless of what community we associate ourselves with, racial background, or political viewpoint. Why? Because it will help make everything a lot better a lot faster.  I may even get us to a better place than we were in before things went wrong.  I can’t predict that unity will solves all our problems, but I can say with almost complete certainty, it will only help.

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The Blessings some people are missing

benchdg2

For too many people this has been an awful time.  There are those who have lost their lives, left relatives behind who are restricted from mourning properly, and in some cases also stricken with the Coronavirus.  And for those who are sick or recovering, although your recovery is something to be thankful for, I recognize, to the best of my ability, your ordeal as a very serious one and one not to be taken lightly.

But then there are those who just don’t realize how lucky they really are.  Having your life turned upside down, economic uncertainty, and having to stay mostly at home, is not something to celebrate, but not realizing the blessings you have is a failing that needs to be addressed. Not merely for the impact on one’s own life, but for the impact on society as a whole.

A few weeks back I wrote a piece about the lessons we can learn from Holocaust survivors entitled, During the Coronavirus crisis, the lives of Holocaust survivors can offer us some much needed perspective.  In that piece I spoke about my late parents, who not only survived the Nazi occupation of Holland, they went on to live happy and productive lives.  As I listen to, or read about some people who are seeing being stuck at home as the worst thing that ever happened, I feel compelled to virtually grab them and shake them. I get it. You have cabin fever. You’re bored. Or your kids are driving you nuts. And yes, not knowing what the future holds for you financially is very disconcerting.  Believe me I know.  But what all those things should tell you is that if you are blessed with health, you feel well enough to feel boredom rather than illness.  If you have cabin fever you should acknowledge that you have a roof over your head.  If your kids are driving you nuts you have a family that gives you purpose and an opportunity to get closer to them.  And if you are worried about how you are going to manage financially in the future, although I recognize the seriousness of the issue and I say again that I really do understand, it implies that you have a future to work with, albeit one with challenges.

The teaching from the Jewish Oral Law, the Mishna, that I consider to be the foundation of my own personal philosophy towards life, is a teaching I encourage everyone to pay attention to at this time, regardless of your belief in God or any subsequent religion.  It is the teaching from Ethics of our Fathers that states, “Who is the wealthy one? The one who is happy with his portion.”  An easy concept to adapt when things are going your way, but to really internalize this idea means to see and appreciate what you have even when times are rough.  And although it’s been common to compare our current situation to times in the past when evil rulers or empires restricted our freedoms, what we are experiencing today is very different. Being encouraged or even mandated to take precautions for the safety and well-being of ourselves and those around us is by no means comparable to slavery and persecution.  A fact we really need to understand.

There certainly is a health issue to be cognizant of and an illness to fear.  But at the same time, if we have food in our home, a roof over our head, and the physical strength to go on, should we really be complaining? This does not mean we do not feel terrible sadness for the victims and closest people to those who have been lost.  But it does mean that all of us need to aspire to reach a strength of character in which we acknowledge life’s blessings.  And yes, not only will everyone around us be better off if we do, but so will we. If you wake up every day with the conviction to be happy with your portion, then most days you will wake up happy.  It is hard to imagine anyone having a problem with that recommendation.  Especially now.

Happy holidays to anyone celebrating and wishing strength and happiness to everyone in need.

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