Monthly Archives: January 2020

How the lesson of Kobe Bryant’s life can be connected to a Jewish teaching

Celebrities At The Los Angeles Lakers Game

After a few days of reflecting over the tragic death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and 7 others this past weekend, I felt compelled to share my thoughts as to why Kobe’s death had such a huge global impact on society. I came to the conclusion that in many ways it had to do with an old Jewish lesson of how to live a successful and happy life.

Although Kobe Bryant grew up in a very Jewish neighborhood of Philadelphia and even once was quoted as saying “I wouldn’t mind being Jewish. I wouldn’t mind. Really.”, I tend to think that the philosophy he had that made his presence so powerful and his life so appealing was likely more a product of a good upbringing and life’s experiences.  Ultimately I believe that what drew people to Kobe more than anything was the fact that he appeared to be a truly happy man.

The blemish, for lack of a better word, in the Kobe story deals with the Colorado rape accusation.  I generally have little tolerance and no respect for celebrities involved in situations where they hurt others, particularly when they chalk it up to a “mistake”.  They get on the airways or social media and often even go as far as portraying themselves as a victim, in many instances displaying behavior showing that rather than being a mistake, what they did was indicative of their character.   In the case of Kobe Bryant, it truly appears as though at worst he did make a terrible mistake and did a terrible thing, at best there are aspects of this story we may never know and tell at least a somewhat different and significantly less incriminating story.   I do not say this to challenge the woman in Colorado’s claims. I say this because in every thing he has appeared to do since that time, Kobe Bryant was not only a model citizen, but everywhere you turn you see a man who not only treated women well, he advanced their causes.  Whether it was reporters, friends, athletes or celebrities, every single woman who has spoken of him since his death has done so in loving admiration, respect and gratitude. So Kobe was either never that bad, or his growth from a true mistake was significant and profound.

The most powerful images of Kobe were with his family.  This was clearly a man who was surrounded by a wife and daughters whose lives were wonderful, to no small part because of what he gave them.  And in every single photograph you see with his family, you see a truly happy man.  This was a man who adored his family, valued them in a way you would hope everyone would, and always seemed to want for nothing more, while always working to accomplish more.

It is my belief in seeing these images and learning more about this man that the old Jewish teaching Kobe lived by was the teaching that is the foundation of a happy life.  It comes from Ethics of our Fathers and states,  “Who is Rich? Those who are happy with their portion”.  In Kobe Bryant you clearly saw a man who was grateful for everything he had, from the time he had less to the time he had more.  This man appeared to always be happy with his portion in a manner that so many fail to reach.

Those close to him are devastated because they lost him and his beautiful 13 year old daughter from their lives.  Basketball fans are saddened by the loss of an all time great and wonderful global ambassador of the game.  And everyone with any degree of compassion knows how tragic the helicopter accident was that took the lives of Kobe, his daughter and 7 other people.  But what I believe is the reason this has had such an impact on the world is that because of the aura of happiness that appeared to be all around Kobe Bryant, people who struggle to be happy felt a sense of hope.  He was a tremendously gifted and talented man, but the center of his happiness seemed to revolve around those he loved, and the commitment to excellence that was manifested in hard work and determination.  Things that are more attainable to the every day person than the ability to play basketball.   And his death, as tragic as it was, happened in the pursuit of something pure, something that reflected positive values.  In seeing the pictures of him with his daughter Gianna, I can’t help but think that the 2 of them died in the company of their best friend, each other.

I would offer this lesson to be learned from this tragedy.   Rather than asking why, make your pursuits the reason why.  Look at a man who improved himself constantly, strengthened his character and values, and was truly happy with his portion. Try to emulate those positive attributes. Become a better person, a happier person.  Become someone who, if you are not already, is happy with their portion.  Do this and hope does not ever have to die with the loss of someone you idolize or even when in your life it is the loss of someone you love.

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Holocaust Denial: Deceptive hatred

Auschwitiz1

I originally posted this on March 31, 2012.  The fact that years later it is an even bigger is a testament to how important it is to continue to remember, tell the story and honor and remember the lost.

 

I found the following paragraph on the Anti-Defamation League website regarding the topic of Holocaust denial:

“Holocaust denial, which its propagandists misrepresent as “historical revisionism,” has become one of the most important vehicles for contemporary anti-Semitism. It is the invention of a collection of long-time anti-Semites and apologists for Hitler…”  http://www.adl.org/holocaust/introduction.asp

This is a significant problem facing the worldwide Jewish community.  The logic is simple.  You can’t fight the battle to make sure it never happens again if you have to fight the battle of whether or not it happened in the first place.  Hitler’s Germany persecuted the Jews of Europe in systematic fashion.  In my upcoming book, “Jew Face: A story of love and heroism in Nazi occupied Holland”, I show how the Nazis destroyed most of the Dutch Jewish community in incremental fashion, ultimately murdering 104,000 of what was a community of close to 150,000 people.  The concept of Holocaust denial can only be seen as ultimately having  the same goal.  The evidence is clear.  The photographs are there, the names are there, the personal accounts have been given.  To anyone other than the avid anti-Semite, there is no doubt that these atrocities took place.  It is my hope that by getting the attention of as many people as possible, I am helping increase awareness of what took place.  For if we allow acts of barbarism to be forgotten, we increase the chances of them happening again and again.  Not only to the Jewish people, but to innocents all over the world.

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How I honor the past through my personal happiness

benchdg

Good. I got your attention.  As anyone who has followed me even a little already knows, I spend much of my time telling my family’s history as to how it pertains to the Holocaust.  My parents, of blessed memory, were survivors.  They lost a large percentage of their family and friends to the hands of the Nazis and they lived in hiding or on the run for close to 5 years during the occupation of Holland.  And of course there is the story of the my uncle’s violin that was recently returned to us due to the righteous acts of a non-Jewish Dutchman and his son. At best these stories are inspirational.  But how can our speaking of this and understanding this lead to happiness? It’s about perspective.

I would like to think that my message is an obvious one, but since I don’t see more of it I feel the need to share it with anyone willing to listen.  Although Jewish teaching is rich with lessons of how to look at life in a manner that will lead to happiness, this message is not just a Jewish one and it certainly is not meant only for Jews.  It starts with a very important question.  What makes you happy?  It seems like a simple question.  One that can be easily answered and highly achievable. Yet many people are not happy.  Do they not achieve their goals?  Do they have misfortunes that prevent them from reaching a state of happiness.  Often yes.  But I believe that more often than not it is because they have not learned the proper way to achieve happiness, and that is very simply by deciding to be happy.

The decision to be happy starts with understanding the life that you lead and the gifts given to you, whether by God, if that fits your belief structure, or by circumstance.  Since this discussion is about our choices, it is not critical to discuss the origins of these gifts, merely to recognize them.   Having been raised by Holocaust survivors, my knowledge of the evils humans are capable of started at basic at a young age and developed into at least an above average understanding as I got older.  I learned about the fear people lived in for years of their lives.  I learned how they were hungry and cold and had no way of knowing when and if they would satisfy that hunger or ever feel warm again.  I learned about how even the bravest people lived in fear and had the courage to do things they needed to do even if it would bring more fear.  And I learned about how when it was all over it never really ever ended completely, because either what they had been through was now part of them or the people they cared for had been taken from them in a way that would haunt them forever.  And as a result I learned that not only did I have nothing to complain about, I should feel ashamed of myself if I did.

Psychologists might call this ‘children of Holocaust survivors guilt’, and they might be right.  But what is important about this is not whether or not that is the root cause of the conclusion, what is important is where it lead me.  It goes without saying that we don’t celebrate anything that happened under Nazi occupation, but at the same time we can say that the best way to honor and remember the suffering of those lost as well as those who survived is to celebrate life.  Many of us have known people who came out of the war having lost loved ones and suffered difficulties or atrocities and still managed to celebrate the life they had in their years following this horrific time.  They did so because they now looked at what they had, they appreciated their gifts, and they were determined to at least try to be happy.   They showed us the way.  It is up to us to choose to follow it.

Happiness is not something that can be measured.  It is an opinion.  Even our own happiness is based on what we think it is and our belief that we’ve achieved that state.  All we can do is make the decision that we want to be happy, learn the lessons from those who have been, and honor those who were less fortunate by appreciating what we have in our lives.  This is my way of honoring not only those who were killed by the Nazis, but those who survived as my parents did.  By studying the past, telling the story, and having a better, more clear perspective.

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