This past Thursday night my good friend Phil Silverman passed away. Phil was a force of nature. He lived life hard and fast. He constantly gave of himself. He made an effort to find a way to enjoy every day he had on his earth. With his failing health over the past few years, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this day would come. But as always is the case when you lose someone you care about, that never makes it easier. I sit here and write this because I wish to honor him and remember him publicly. But if I am to be honest, and all those who know him are likely to smile when they read this, I am writing this because I know he would have killed me if I didn’t write something about him.

While I do not remember the exact timeline, I believe I met Phil around 15 yeas ago. I was working in a mortgage company and struggling to generate business. With one foot out the door, one of the owners, Frank, someone I now call a friend, approached Phil and asked him to take me under his wing and see if he could get me on track. Phil, someone whose goal in life sometimes seemed to be to meet and befriend as many people as possible, was more than happy to oblige. With Phil’s help I would significantly improve my performance at the company, would remain there for 6 years, and Phil and I would become friends. Over the course of that friendship I have met people I have valued and liked, people who remained Phil’s friends till the end. Monique, who was literally there for him to the very end. Others who enriched my life as well, people who would likely not have been in my life had it not been for Phil. Jamie, Joey, Livio, Rich, and Frank, who I will say more about later, all have made positive impacts on my life, and I have Phil to thank for so much of that.

Within that 6 year period when working with him, something happened that would be the foundation of our friendship moving forward. Phil in what could only be described as an earlier life, was a Disc Jockey in NY City. He was well known, loved and respected in that community. Back in the days when Studio 54 was the place to be, Phil Silverman was one of the premier DJ’s, and as was the case with many living in that world, he lived a life of excitement and excess.

While he would leave that world and enter into sales, a place where he could use his God given talents, some of the excesses would follow him through life. While I have done my fair share of partying, I am not someone who ever was nearly as much a part of it as Phil, and knowing this I became concerned that Phil’s influence on me would be detrimental. But Phil’s friendship had already become important enough for me to go to the top for advice. My father has already passed, but my mother was still around, and this is what she told me almost verbatim. “He is a Jewish man like you, he has no one, and he needs you to be his friend”. So I listened to my mother and stuck it out. And I am so glad that I did. Instead of my concerns being realized, the opposite happened. Phil felt that our friendship brought him a peace and stability he had not remembered having, and rightly so, he credited my mother. “Mom” as he would subsequently refer to her, was watching over him now, and he could rarely mention my mother without his voice cracking. Phil saw a number of people as being instrumental in making his life special, but he sometimes spoke about Mom as having saved his life. From this point on our friendship was solid and strong.

What I know for sure is that everyone who knows him will nod their head and smile when they read this next paragraph. It is hard to imagine there has ever been anyone in the history of this planet who has used the term “I love you” more than Phil. But long before his passing I thought about this and realized what made that so special. He was one of the most social people you’ll ever meet, an incredible salesman, special friend, and a persistent, enthusiastic person who never meant anyone harm. We all have met people who use the term “I love you” frivolously and in doing so diminish its meaning. But if you saw Phil, and saw how and when he used it, it truly felt like in every moment he said it, he truly meant it. In my opinion, that is the greatest tribute to his memory.

Over the past few years I would call Phil on Friday and say prayers for him before the upcoming Jewish Sabbath. After calling him on Friday, September 20, I received the following text the next evening.

He made me promise that if he would pass before me, that I would see to it that everything post death would be seen to in accordance with Jewish law. I am so thankful to those who helped make it so that his life’s ending would be handled with dignity on what the Jewish religion sees as the highest level.

Lastly I would be remiss if I didn’t thank Frank. Had it not been for him, I would never have had this special friend. Rest in peace Phil, and give Mom a kiss and a hug from me.

Am Yisrael Chai

Never Again is Now!

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