These candles represent my 2 grandparents from my father’s side, Leendert and Maryan Groen, my mother’s father Marcel Rodrigues, my uncle Bram Rodrigues, and the 5th candle represents all of the 6 million Jews killed by the Nazis. May there memories be blessed and may we draw goodness and strength in remembering them always.
NEVER AGAIN!
Sometimes as a writer you have to look for a topic to write about, while other times the topic is put in front of you on a silver platter. As the son of Holocaust survivors, more specifically Holocaust survivors from Holland, with the existing quarantine we live in and the continuing conversations about Anne Frank that some seem to think is relevant to our current state of affairs, I have been presented with that aforementioned silver platter.
It’s been somewhat fascinating to me and even more alarming that there are people out there who feel being quarantined in the comfort of their own home, with food to eat, entertainment available, the freedom to leave their house without fear of being killed by a ruling force is comparable to what Anne Frank experienced. Those among us who are most likely to commemorate Holocaust Remembrance Day are sufficiently educated to the point where we understand how wrong that thought process is. For me, this whole discussion takes me back to last July when I spent 6 days in Amsterdam and had the ceremony where we retrieved the violin that belonged to my uncle who was murdered in Auschwitz. BRAM’S VIOLIN
I have a confession to make. In all my trips to Holland, including last summer, I have never visited the Anne Frank house. This is not because I do not recognize its importance, nor is it not because I do not recognize the tragedy of her life, but more because, having been raised by a mother who was in essence, as she put it herself, the Anne Frank that lived, it was not as important for me to go there as it is for others. However, while there last summer it was somewhat prevalent in my thoughts, because while taking in much of what Amsterdam has to offer, and looking at what people called the tourist attractions, Anne Frank’s house was often mentioned. While I recognize the importance it has to society, there too lies the problem. For so many all it really is is a tourist attraction.
It may be very powerful and accurate in its presentation. Having never been there it would be inappropriate for me to say otherwise. For me the issue is not in what Anne Frank’s house is designed to be, it is more about how people choose to look at it. And it so clearly is relevant in the discussion that has recently emerged when using it as a frame of reference. In fairness, if people use it as a comparison without mocking or purposely minimizing Anne Frank’s plight, they are guilty of only one thing. Ignorance. And to be even more direct, if so many are ignorant, they are not the guilty ones, we are. Decent people who understand things incorrectly are people willing to listen and learn. People who are sad, depressed and scared over our current state of affairs should not be criticized or ridiculed for their feelings, but if they incorrectly compare themselves to a 13 year old girl who could never leave the house in fear of being killed by Nazi soldiers, was stuck in small quarters with her family with minimal amounts of food, and ultimately died of disease in a concentration camp designed to ultimately kill Jews, it is our sacred responsibility to educate them.
Much of our cry of “Never Again” has appropriately been directed at those who are evil and would be prone to once again partake in the mass murder of Jews and other groups different from them. But if this quarantine we are in and the reaction of a segment of the population has taught us anything, “Never Again” also means we must educate and, to use some very relevant words in today’s world, “mitigate the disease” known as ignorance.
May the memories of the 6 million be blessed and let us never forget.
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In 1976, when I was 14 years old, we moved to the town of Arnhem, in the eastern part of the Netherlands. Although I spoke a somewhat decent Dutch, it was likely nowhere near good enough for me to attend school in Holland. That, coupled with the fact that the much smaller Jewish environment than the one we left in Philadelphia, lead my parents to choose England as a place for me to continue my education. When all was said and done, my parents chose Hasmonean Grammar School in North Hendon, London, as the place where I would continue my schooling.
My first year in London I lived in a house that left a lot to be desired. At 14, and living away from my parents, I needed to be in a home where I felt secure and safe, while being given what I needed to live decently in my new environment. One year into living in London my parents were not satisfied with what they saw from me, so they came to London to find me a new home away from home. To this day, it was very possibly the wisest and most loving thing they ever did for me. They found me the Wilschanskis.
Rabbi & Mrs. Wilschanski spent the next 3 years providing me with a true home away from home. They fed me, looked after me, and were there for me in a way I will never forget. In a time of my life when I needed it most, they were like 2nd parents to me. They were pious, kind, deeply religious people, respected and loved by many in their community.
A short while ago I heard the sad news that Rabbi Chaim Wilschanski passed away at the age of 99. My understanding is that his death was of natural causes and not COVID-19 related. A very emotional piece of news to hear on the 3rd Yahrtzeit of my mother, and one that for me is very hard to see as a coincidence. Rabbi Wilschanski was one of the warmest, pleasant, funny, and kind men I’ve ever known.
Rabbi Wilshanski’s book, “From the Shabbat Table”, is the picture I posted in his honor and memory.
Baruch Dayan Emet.
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“Try to enjoy life as best as you can. You never know when your last day is there. Just look outside, look at the sun, look at the flowers, life is beautiful. You have one life to live, and the best things they come in everyone’s life, but just enjoy life and appreciate the good things, not only the material things.”
These were the words of my mother, Sipora Rodrigue-Lopes Groen, in an interview I recorded with her on April 24, 2012. 3 years ago today on the Jewish calendar, she passed away at the age of 95. I’ve written a lot about my mother’s life and her experiences, but in this piece I will let you reference the beautiful piece recently recently written by my niece Jennifer about my mother’s life. A Grandmother’s Lesson.
In this piece, in light of current events, besides the message written above, I am going to share with you what I believe my mother would have wanted people to know as we go through such an unprecedented time.
Although my mother had some very strong political opinions, I am fairly certain she would have been more focused today on telling people to make an effort to be nice to each other, to show a mutual respect. I think she would have encouraged us all to show more love to the people closest to us, and have understanding for people, especially our friends and family, when they do things that are less than perfect. She put a premium on things like love and kindness, backing it up better than anyone ever could, and I am as certain as I can be that she would have been pushing that point to anyone who would listen during our current crisis.
Although compassionate, she was also one not to exaggerate, and therefore would have hoped people, after they took the illness and consequences seriously, would have behaved wisely, responsibly, and used their heads to form opinions, rather than letting those opinions be formed for them. She had a strong will that would on occasion cross over to stubbornness, but it was that strength of character that saw her through the toughest times and I believe played a big role in her enjoying life to the end.
She would have shared the lessons of what she went through, not to minimize the suffering of those who are victims of, or close to people who have suffered today, but to make a point to the majority who sit at home, waiting for life to get back to normal, thinking it is the end of the world. She would likely have said, that for a large percentage of us, what we have seen till now is really not that bad, and that we need to be strong in order for things to get better.
My mother was a woman of character, intelligence, kindness and love. Even in her old age, rather than needing our help, if she were around today, she most likely would be looking for people to comfort with words of hope and encouragement. And all of us that knew her, will always miss her.
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The title of this post is neither a medical nor scientific diagnosis. I am not qualified to make one based on medicine or science. However, I do know the basic truth that when fighting an enemy, distraction benefits our foe. Nothing is a bigger distraction than infighting, be it within families, religious communities, in one country, and even the entire world.
Earlier today in a chat I had with someone, I referenced my father of blessed memory, who was a member of the resistance in Nazi-occupied Holland. One of the things I learned from him was that although history addressed the misguided hope of the Jewish Council, often unwittingly allowed to exist to help the Nazis in their mission, it was the Nazis that were the enemy. Although the active traitor would be dealt with, the primary focus was on the evil looking to wipe his people from the face of the earth.
Although the Coronavirus is an invisible enemy, a dangerous enemy it is nonetheless. Pointing fingers or getting into nasty arguments or fights with people with different approaches towards what to do and who to trust, distracts people from acquiring knowledge, applying the proper disciplines, and helping those they are in a the position to help. The video I posted is from the show “Friends”, and although many will find it funny, it also offers up a message as to what happens when people focused on one purpose lose that focus and fight among themselves. And when all is said and done, it also shows how a reasonable patient explanation has a far greater chance of success.
All of us need to stick together, regardless of what community we associate ourselves with, racial background, or political viewpoint. Why? Because it will help make everything a lot better a lot faster. I may even get us to a better place than we were in before things went wrong. I can’t predict that unity will solves all our problems, but I can say with almost complete certainty, it will only help.
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For too many people this has been an awful time. There are those who have lost their lives, left relatives behind who are restricted from mourning properly, and in some cases also stricken with the Coronavirus. And for those who are sick or recovering, although your recovery is something to be thankful for, I recognize, to the best of my ability, your ordeal as a very serious one and one not to be taken lightly.
But then there are those who just don’t realize how lucky they really are. Having your life turned upside down, economic uncertainty, and having to stay mostly at home, is not something to celebrate, but not realizing the blessings you have is a failing that needs to be addressed. Not merely for the impact on one’s own life, but for the impact on society as a whole.
A few weeks back I wrote a piece about the lessons we can learn from Holocaust survivors entitled, During the Coronavirus crisis, the lives of Holocaust survivors can offer us some much needed perspective. In that piece I spoke about my late parents, who not only survived the Nazi occupation of Holland, they went on to live happy and productive lives. As I listen to, or read about some people who are seeing being stuck at home as the worst thing that ever happened, I feel compelled to virtually grab them and shake them. I get it. You have cabin fever. You’re bored. Or your kids are driving you nuts. And yes, not knowing what the future holds for you financially is very disconcerting. Believe me I know. But what all those things should tell you is that if you are blessed with health, you feel well enough to feel boredom rather than illness. If you have cabin fever you should acknowledge that you have a roof over your head. If your kids are driving you nuts you have a family that gives you purpose and an opportunity to get closer to them. And if you are worried about how you are going to manage financially in the future, although I recognize the seriousness of the issue and I say again that I really do understand, it implies that you have a future to work with, albeit one with challenges.
The teaching from the Jewish Oral Law, the Mishna, that I consider to be the foundation of my own personal philosophy towards life, is a teaching I encourage everyone to pay attention to at this time, regardless of your belief in God or any subsequent religion. It is the teaching from Ethics of our Fathers that states, “Who is the wealthy one? The one who is happy with his portion.” An easy concept to adapt when things are going your way, but to really internalize this idea means to see and appreciate what you have even when times are rough. And although it’s been common to compare our current situation to times in the past when evil rulers or empires restricted our freedoms, what we are experiencing today is very different. Being encouraged or even mandated to take precautions for the safety and well-being of ourselves and those around us is by no means comparable to slavery and persecution. A fact we really need to understand.
There certainly is a health issue to be cognizant of and an illness to fear. But at the same time, if we have food in our home, a roof over our head, and the physical strength to go on, should we really be complaining? This does not mean we do not feel terrible sadness for the victims and closest people to those who have been lost. But it does mean that all of us need to aspire to reach a strength of character in which we acknowledge life’s blessings. And yes, not only will everyone around us be better off if we do, but so will we. If you wake up every day with the conviction to be happy with your portion, then most days you will wake up happy. It is hard to imagine anyone having a problem with that recommendation. Especially now.
Happy holidays to anyone celebrating and wishing strength and happiness to everyone in need.
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As I write this, Passover has already begun for my friends and family in Europe and Israel. For those of us in the Americas, as we prepare to start the holiday and for the majority who will have a Seder like never before, I want to offer the following message of hope and encouragement.
In my years of celebrating the holiday, even when I was most focused, I admittedly would remember the past, acknowledge the present, and talk about the future. But this year the biggest difference for me is that we look at everything through a different lens.
As we look to the past, we will recount the story of the Jewish people being slaves in Egypt and the suffering of the Jewish people throughout the ages, most notably for so many of us, the suffering of the Holocaust. As human nature is prone to cause us to do, this year we find more parallels between our lives and the past suffering as ever before. That doesn’t automatically mean we are correct in drawing that parallel, but to many the death and illness, coupled with the fact that we need to stay home to avoid a plague of sorts, is enough for many to see it in that light.
Our present, which is indeed connected to the past perspective, is given more focused attention than it usually is on any given Passover. Usually Passover is a break or pause from how we conduct our every day lives, be it through changing the dietary laws, altering our work schedule, or spending time with more friends and family. This year however, it is merely a break of a few hours over the course of a matter of a few days, as so many will be conducting their lives when the holiday is over in a very similar way to how they will conduct it over Passover. At home and, at least for the time being, adjusting to a very different normal.
However, it is my belief that the biggest difference comes in how we see the future. Not just in practical terms but for those of us who are so inclined, in religious or spiritual terms. For the majority of us, talking about how this year we are slaves and next year will be free, was an important yet disconnected part of our Seder in past years. Maybe our lives haven’t always been everything we wanted, having never truly questioned our freedom, but we have never been more appreciative of that freedom as we are today. We look at our restrictions today and wonder if they will increase or diminish. We question if the future holds more significant amounts of pain and suffering than we’ve already experienced. And we question whether or not the world will become a place for all of humanity to exist in peace, freedom and love.
The answer is a simple yet complex one. We just do not know what the future holds. But to paraphrase my father of blessed memory, we are better off not knowing the future, because inevitably we learn things we rather not know. Here is what we do know. If we have the physical or mental capacity to do so, we can make our world better not just for ourselves but for those around us. Acts of kindness, patience and understanding are more than just catch phrases. They help to form that future we so dearly will look to at our Seders. But as long as we can do something to make a difference, even in one person’s life, then we always can be hopeful for a better future.
Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy Passover.
A Positive Perspective on a Seder Alone
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With the world primarily put on hold and stuck at home, many people are flooding social media. If what you see online is a reflection of society as a whole, then there is a clear pattern emerging from what we are seeing. There are those who start games that involve participation and those who post things that are cute and humorous, but when we go beyond that, much of what we see posted is negative, and it doesn’t take a degree in psychology to know that the negativity isn’t helpful.
It is not difficult to understand why people lash out and play the blame game or reveal their fear and despair at a time like this. It would be unfair to criticize people who have been doing that, even if it was my place to do so, which it isn’t. But it is not only very obvious that it is happening, it is also very obvious that it is increasing, and I think that even those partaking in it would likely agree that it is an unhealthy pattern. Bad situations create negative feelings and harsh reactions. Many people focus a lot on whose fault they think it is, and with so much extra time on their hands they seize the opportunity to make their point and to try and relay what they think is their unique perspective that got them to that conclusion. But even if some of the conclusions are correct, which would means the opposite conclusion is not, are the people doing this helping anyone? Are they creating unity and camaraderie when it’s needed most? And maybe even more significantly, are they themselves coming out of it better? I think we all know the answer to that question.
To those posting fear and despair, it’s important to look at it through different lens than the one we use on the finger pointers and armchair quarterbacks. Those who are sad and scared, often terrified, are not only an indicator of how bad things have gotten very quickly, they are also provide an opportunity to those who are coping better emotionally and mentally. The opportunity I speak of is the opportunity to help, to make a positive difference. This has been, and will be a horrific time specifically for people who have lost or will lose loved ones. People will grieve. They will mourn. But some will also be turning to people for help. If you have time to post about the politician, political party or even the country you blame for the situation we find ourselves in, then you certainly have time to help someone who may desperately need it. And if not, you might start by helping with everyone’s collective mental health by showing honor to the lost, comfort to the struggling, or inspiration and even humor to the general public.
If you’re doing OK, pay it forward. And if you aren’t sure you’re OK then try to show kindness anyway. There is a reasonable chance it well help you feel better. No one is an island, especially not now. Finding a way to help starts with words of comfort and encouragement, words that often do as much for the person saying them as they do for those for whom they are intended. Why not give it a try? It will be better for everyone.
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This message is for everyone out there. Whether you are Jewish or not, observant or not.
The observance of Shabbat, the Sabbath, is the weekly observance of a day of rest. It is a day in which we stop much of our weekly activities, many of the more observant Jews refraining from work. driving, spending money and using electricity or phones. The belief is that God created the world on 6 days and on the 7th day he rested. Although different religions have different beliefs as to which day that is, Islam believes it’s Friday, Judaism Saturday, Catholicism Sunday, the basic concept is the same. A day of rest to acknowledge God’s work and to make that day a holy day.
We live in a time when many will inevitably have a crisis of faith, while many will have a strengthening of faith. Other’s who do not believe will either find themselves turning towards God, or believing that the current situation proves their position that God does not exist. Although I am one who not only believes in God, but is also not having a crisis of faith, this message is applicable to each and every one of you, for even if you do not believe the origin of the concept is in religious dogma, the essence of the concept is a pure one. It is what Judaism refers to as Bayn Adam L’chaveyru, the relationship between one person and another.
Jewish commandments are broken down into 2 categories. One is the aforementioned relationship between one human being and the other, and the other being what is know as Bayn Adam L’Makom. The relationship between People and God. I have no intention of using this forum today to convince anyone to hold my views on what relationship mankind should have with God, nor will I project a feeling of an attitude of superiority based on the one that I have. I do this on purpose. I do this because our relationship with each other may be at the core of so many of the problems facing us today.
Before we try to do right by others, we need to be honest with ourselves. We need to be honest about our intentions and be honest about our actions. Are we doing what we are doing because it is self-serving or because we want to do good for others? Do we truly care about other people or does everything we do revolve entirely around our own needs? As a flawed individual, I need to constantly ask myself those questions. Am I doing the best I can to help those close to me, to contribute to society? Are my intentions pure? I ask these questions of myself on a regular basis, but when do I have an actual scheduled stop from my every day life to take a step back and take an introspective look on who I am and what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong? That time is from sundown on Friday evening till darkness on Saturday. The time designated in the Jewish religion as Shabbat.
So my Shabbat message to each and everyone of you is the following. Take a step back. Stop your regular weekday activities. Of course the irony is that it at this moment in time for many that means, stop your past week’s activities of stopping your everyday activities. You may not believe in God, or you do believe in God and don’t believe God gave us Shabbat, but your belief does not detract from the fact that it is indeed something wonderful. Shabbat brings you peace and tranquility, sometimes added understanding, and a brighter outlook for the future. Whether you believe it is God given or not, who among us couldn’t use those things right now?
Be safe, be healthy, and Shabbat Shalom.
This piece is dedicated to the memory of Jay Agular.
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There are ways to get through anything in life. I don’t say that entirely from my personal experiences, because although like everyone else even though I’ve gone through good times and bad, there are so many hardships I have never had to deal with, and if I am blessed and fortunate enough, I never will. But I have listened to and observed people over the years, some close to me, like my parents who were Holocaust survivors, some mere acquaintances, who have offered lessons in how to get through the toughest of times. I am nowhere near having all of the answers, but to the best of my ability I will try to share some thoughts on how to handle hopelessness and fear. For those dealing with loss or illness it is a different playing field, but for everyone else I write this with the hope that my understanding and outlook will help you in some small way, and if I help just one person, then it was time well spent.
It starts with the acquisition of knowledge. Whether it is on a small personal scale or on a larger one, knowing as many accurate facts as possible will, with the correct approach and perspective, only help you deal with any issue. That means chose your sources wisely and narrowly. This is a medical issue, not a political one. The politics and whatever consequences develop as a result are a matter to be dealt with later. So find the medical sources you believe are trustworthy and try your best to understand what they are saying. I suggest spreading it out a little so as to satisfy yourself that there are no hidden agendas, but once you find those 3 or 4 sources, keep your flow of information narrow and follow their guidance. It will be possible to find 10 different medical sources each day if you look hard enough, but if you do that, regardless of what happens to you physically, the mental impact will likely not be a healthy one. Partially because it means you are spending too much time focusing on things you can’t control.
This brings me to my next point. The issue of control is always an important thing to understand, but even more so in a crisis like the one we are facing today. It is my belief that it is critical to understand how little of what happens is in our control, for once we do that we can focus on the things that we actually can control. We can control our own personal actions. If you are someone who just wants this all to be over and sits there shouting at the TV or crying on Facebook, but at the same time are not practicing social distancing, then you are not properly focused on what you can control. And if you are someone who is angry about how things are being handled by our leaders but litter the parking lots of supermarkets and banks with your masks and gloves, you are definitely not getting it. And yes, there are many reports of this happening. Control your own personal actions and you will be doing your part in helping get things back to normal sooner rather than later. But most of all, and this is where I think mental health issues can be averted, to the best of your ability, control your thoughts and emotions.
I am not a mental health professional. But I am someone who is getting through this with certain mental disciplines and techniques I find to be very helpful. For starters I divide my day into segments. As someone who lives alone there is no one else I live with that depends on me. As with so many things in life, there things about that which are advantageous, and thinks about that which are not. It would be very easy to fall into doing just one thing all day, be it binge watching the news, catching up on all the movies and TV shows I’ve yet to see, interact online, eat, etc. I suggest, for those who have not already done so, to structure your day. As I told someone the other day, if you do mostly one thing during your time stuck at home, that will be who you become. However, by diversifying your efforts, you can actually look back at any individual day and feel that it was actually a good one, even if it is not the ideal one. Do different things, find ways to grow, even develop new hobbies, but more than anything else, think of someone other than yourself.
So there are many out there, particularly parents and healthcare workers that certainly do not need to be told to find someone else to help. That is built into their home life or career. But for those not in that category I share with you that which has been my most useful tool in handling this time. Find at least one person, or more if you are so inclined, and help them. Talk with them, comfort them, show them love and support. Besides having that rewarding feeling that you made a difference in someone’s life by making their day and for all you know, many of their days better, focusing on someone else does something critically important. It stops you from fixating on yourself and your own problems. In a time when many of the things we need to do to fix our problems we are unable to do because of these unforeseen circumstances, if we spend too much of the day focused on that, we are not helping anyone, least of all ourselves. But by finding someone who needs your help, be it practically or emotionally, we have done something to help. A LOT.
Whenever things are bad, personally or collectively, it is human nature to look for someone to blame. I would offer that in a time like this, pointing fingers is a misuse of your energy. Use your energy to keep busy, work on having a positive outlook and contribute in any way you can to help. And if you yourself feel you need help, reach out to someone for support. If you can’t find anyone to talk to, feel free to reach out to me and I will be happy to listen. If you can’t find me online you can email me at hollandsheroes80@gmail.com.
Good luck and stay strong.
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Holland's Heroes 