Remembering Rebbetzin Toby Friedman

It is not so often that you meet someone that makes you ask yourself, do I like them more or do I admire them more?

Rebbetzin Toby Friedman, or just Toby as so many of us knew her, was one of these people. In the 6 years in which I was a part of the Oceanside Jewish community, I was fortunate to have numerous opportunities to interact with this wonderful, pleasant woman. I had the honor and pleasure of driving her a number of times to and from the city, some for medical appointments, and one time so she could watch one of her grandchildren perform in a play. What struck me every time was that the moment she was seated in the car, you forgot that she was wheelchair bound. Her disability did not define her. Her strength and courage were so subtle, so much a part of her normal every day personality that it almost seemed like it was not a big deal. But it was, because it was inspirational, courageous, and admirable. And it helped make a Shabbos or Yom Tov meal with her and Rabbi Friedman as much fun as it was meaningful.

And then there was June, just 13 months ago, when I was in Oceanside for Shavuos, and the day after the holiday ended I was scheduled to leave late in the day for Israel. The problem was that I found myself with a dental emergency. I showed up at Dr. Solomon’s office where I explained to Toby that I was leaving on a flight to Israel in less than 10 hours, and the pain I had was so severe I was concerned about flying. I was seen by one of the dentists within an hour, had an abscess drained, and was charged a remarkably small amount of money. I always knew that while nothing was said by her or anyone in the office to verify this, my good fortune that day was because of Toby’s influence.

Being blessed to be part of a community as wonderful as Oceanside brings great joy, but with great joy in the face of loss it brings pain. While we all wish we never had to feel that pain, the joy of having known someone as special as Toby Friedman makes it a price willing to pay. I wish my friend Rabbi Friedman and all his family the strength they need moving forward. And for Toby, Baruch Dayan Emes.

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